What will be Left Inside?

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Every technological advance simultaneously augments and atrophies a human function by outsourcing it. Because my “smart” phone can “remember” thousands of phone numbers, my brain does not. As this phenomenon continues at an exponential paceª, thoughtful reflection and informed decision about how we use our tools will only become more important.

Although many find their way of life alien, the Amish provide a powerful example of this reflective practice, examining technological developments against their Ordnung, a code of values. For example, they generally eschew the use of automobiles and airplanes, primarily because these technologies don’t contribute to their experience of community, one of their core values. 

I’m not quite ready to give up my car. But I wonder if having a garden in my backyard and a grocery store within walking distance would result in a healthier diet, getting more exercise, meeting more of my neighbors along the way, and spewing less exhaust into the air. And I wonder what’s stopping me from organizing for that.

The most significant technological innovation of our age is probably the internet. But the consequences of its misuse are alarming. Social media, for example, turns personality into product. We see all too clearly now the dangers that arise when we interact with the momentary and fragmentary images and words that represent real people in the same or a similar way that we would with those real people. We become “like butter scraped over too much bread.”

It seems that our tools are most capable of outsourcing our physical and intellectual functions for the purpose of getting results or solutions. But what of our emotional and spiritual dimensions? Can those be outsourced in a healthy way? And at the end of all this outsourcing, what will be left inside?

ª https://www.akimbo.link/blog/s-7-e-11-is-seth-real

Timely Silence

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If you want to add value through your words, here’s a simple best practice: 

Use fewer of them. 

Ideas of value always shun verbosity, being foreign to confusion and fantasy. Timely silence then is precious, for it is nothing less than the mother of the wisest thoughts.

—Diadochos of Photiki, On Spiritual Knowledge and Discrimination

If it helps you remember, here’s a more poetic version: 

Ideas that are dear 
are real and clear.

There’s even a special bonus for the taciturn: when we keep timely silence, others will often think we’re wiser than we actually are!

A Best Practice for the Remote Life

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In a recent video conference via FaceTime, a friend showed me the best practice I’ve seen so far during the coronavirus pandemic: use a sticky note to cover the image of yourself on your screen. 

Brilliant. 

Because it’s just such good common sense. And a reminder that the increasingly powerful tools we make for ourselves to use can use us if we’re not thoughtfully attentive. 

We can’t see ourselves during in-person conversations, right? So why should we let ourselves be distracted by our reflections during remote conversations? What would you think of a person who brought a mirror to a coffee meeting and set it up on the table while you were talking? Isn’t it better to choose a living mirror rather than one made of glass?

The quality of our connection depends on our concentration. 

Now go buy yourself some sticky notes.

Because It Matters

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Every professional writer has an editor because no writer is perfect. And because the writing matters.

Every aspiring athlete has a trainer because she can’t pay attention to the mechanics of her backhand while she’s returning the volley. And because the game matters.

Every serious student has a teacher because a teacher integrates fragmented information and knowledge in a transformative, human way. And because the learning matters.

Why doesn’t every person have a coach when it matters? 

Perhaps the value proposition doesn’t appeal to some people. Perhaps some people don’t value greater self-knowledge or awareness or perspective or integrative clarity or constructive challenge from someone who genuinely cares about their success.

Obviously, it can’t be about the money since coaching is not that expensive, and since we always have money for the things that matter most to us.

Or is perhaps the reason a terribly sad one, that some people just don’t think they or their contribution matter very much at all, that their lives or work just aren’t that important? 

These are not rhetorical questions. Your thoughts in response are welcome.

Nothing to Lose

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Elon Musk recently announced he would be selling almost everything he owns, including all his houses.ª The decision appears to be motivated by concern that his many possessions could make him a target of the poor, and he’d rather not deal with the distractions such conflict would bring.

In an economic downturn induced by a viral pandemic, when involuntary cost-cutting is a necessity both for individuals and organizations, it’s worth remembering there are benefits to voluntary renunciation and frugality:

Men such as Elijah and Elisha became what they were through their courage, perseverance and indifference to the things of this life. They practiced frugality; by being content with a little, they reached a state in which they wanted nothing, and so came to resemble the bodiless angels. As a result, though outwardly insignificant and unnoticed, they became stronger than the greatest of earthly rulers; they spoke more boldly to crowned monarchs than any king does to his own subjects.

—Ascetic Discourse of St. Neilos

As the economic carnage wrought by COVID-19 becomes clearer and deeper, others may react like Musk. But perhaps there may emerge a different sort of people, who are motivated to practice voluntary frugality, able to distinguish between their needs and desires, and who through their dispassionate detachment gain a boldness and power that money can’t buy.

ªhttps://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/tv/news/elon-musk-billionaire-joe-rogan-interview-grimes-baby-selling-house-possessions-a9504691.html

Lessons from the Incarcerated

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So much can be learned from extreme experiences. Although the coronavirus pandemic of 2020 is incomparably less terrible than the Holocaust of World War II, reflecting on the lessons learned from survivors of that savage chapter of human history can help us now. There are few more life-giving and inspiring reflections on that dark period than Dr. Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning.

The Inner Life, Art, and Nature

Following the coronavirus outbreak, the need for physical distancing—even to the extent of isolation or quarantine—has meant a loss of freedom for large numbers of people throughout the world. But a restriction of outward activity, as Dr. Frankl learned, does not mean a restriction of inner activity: “this intensification of inner life helped the prisoner find a refuge from the emptiness, desolation, and spiritual poverty of his existence…” and experience the beauty of art and nature as never before. We have seen this in our time, from the communal singing from Italian balconies to the resurgence of that simplest of outdoor pleasures, taking a walk around one’s neighborhood. A loss of freedom makes possible the sharpening of our senses and sensibilities and perhaps a sharpening of our abilities in creative expression. There has never been a better time to dust off that old musical instrument or take up a new art.

Curiosity and Humor

A restriction of external activity takes a toll on us. Frankl found two other weapons to combat this experience: curiosity and humor. The first was a psychological means of self-protection in the context of a concentration camp, but it can be repurposed in the time of this coronavirus. We can use the detachment and objectivity that curiosity brings to examine and understand both ourselves and others better, especially with the reduction of the non-essential activity that often distracts us from that understanding. As for humor, Frankl wrote that it “more than anything else in the human make-up, can afford an aloofness and an ability to rise above any situation, even if only for a few seconds.” So keep those funny memes coming!

Future Goals

During the pandemic of early 2020, boredom set in quickly, followed by depression. Frankl reported that the most depressing part of being in a concentration camp was that a prisoner could not know how long his term of imprisonment would be. He discovered that “any attempt at fighting the camp’s influence on the prisoner had to aim at giving him an inner strength by pointing out to him a future goal to which he could look forward. It is a peculiarity of man that he can only live by looking to the future.” Even if we cannot act on those goals now, Frankl asserts that it is critical to our mental health to keep them in mind, engaging our mental powers to imagine and plan for our eventual action toward those goals.

Thankfulness for the Past

But inner life can develop not just into the future but also into the past. For the prisoner in the concentration camp, this was a means to hold on to his identity and the meaning of his life. In a less dire situation, it can take on a different purpose: when done with gratitude or thankfulness, reflection on the past can be a powerful defense against the depression by which we may feel threatened. Better yet if this reflection gets expressed in written form, in a journal perhaps or in a handwritten letter or note to someone.

Whenever one is confronted with an inescapable, unavoidable situation, whenever one has to face a fate that cannot be changed, just then is one given a last chance to actualize the highest value, to fulfill the deepest meaning, the meaning of suffering. For what matters above all is the attitude we take toward suffering, the attitude in which we take our suffering upon ourselves.

Dr. Viktor Frankl in Man’s Search for Meaning

A Pause of Grace

In the Psalms, the word selah is understood to mean a pause, even a pause of grace. The current public health crisis allows us just such an opportunity for a pause from our usual activities of the day and week, from the noise and distraction they often create. Difficult as it is, the pandemic is also an opportunity for experiencing more deeply the beauty of art and nature, for curiosity and humor, for refocusing on our goals for the future, and for grateful reflection on the past. All of this will only help us become more present in the present when the pause is over, and our daily and weekly activities even more meaningful.

Bargain

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My mother is a legendary bargainer. She almost never buys anything for more than 75% off its retail price. When she does even better, she becomes positively gleeful. But as gratifying as it is to save money, bargaining has greater benefits than just the financial.

Every event is like a bazaar. He who knows how to bargain makes a good profit. He who does not makes a loss.

—Mark the Ascetic

So how exactly does one bargain with everything that happens? 

One answer to this question is detachment, first and foremost from the desire for control. One entrepreneurª adds that negotiations are typically won by whomever cares less. So being a good bargainer also means detachment from the outcome.

Another answer is positive thinking or mindset. A former Navy SEAL˚ encourages his team to say “good” to every setback, to refuse any negative interpretation and to insist on finding a positive one.

Yet another answer is perspective. Changing the way we see changes the game. Taking the long-term view instead of the short-term casts the event in a new light. Putting yourself in another person’s shoes creates an entirely new experience.

A good bargainer has a paradoxical blend of firmness and flexibility. She knows what she’s not willing to pay, detached enough from the outcome to walk away, but is flexible about what she is willing to pay. She’s firm in her knowledge that the first encounter is not the only one, that there will be other opportunities, and flexible about what will be the right combination of patience and decisiveness to effect the win.

Finally, she doesn’t passively accept as a given what the other offers, be that a price, an opinion, or an interpretation. She spars and dialogues, more interested in the energy in between than on the agents on either end. In short, she plays.

What event have you been dealt lately to bargain with? And how will you play?

ª https://podcastnotes.org/navals-periscope-sessions/naval-nivi-45/

˚ https://originleadership.com/jocko-willink-good-transcript/

Review

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The fighter Conor McGregor’s career has been nothing if not dramatic. After rising to the top of the mixed martial arts (MMA) totem pole, he tumbled down, falling victim to the vices so often born of success, which in his case included ego and alcohol. A few months ago, he just as dramatically redeemed himself,ª defeating his opponent in a mere forty seconds. What was the key to his turnaround? 

In a recent conversation about high performance, Travis Dommert shared that his research of great athletes and elite military forces revealed that they had at least one thing in common: the high performers in each of these fields had consistently submitted their will to a program or system that made them great. 

The building blocks of any system or program, regardless of its origin, include habits. Many of these habits are transferrable and widely applicable outside the contexts from which they come. Here’s one example from monasticism, a pattern of activities that can be highly programmatic.:

Saint Basil the Great says that a great help towards…not committing daily the same faults is for us to review in our conscience at the end of each day what we have done wrong what we have done right. Job did this with regard both to himself and his children (Job 1.5). These daily reckonings illumine a man’s hour by hour behavior.

—Hesychios the Priest

Clearly, the daily review is not a new idea, but there are at least two striking aspects to this particular reflection. One is the example of Job, who practiced a daily review not only with regard to himself but also with regard to his children. How many of the teammates whom we are responsible to support have this kind of attention from us on a daily basis? What would happen if the time spent on annual or semiannual performance reviews were redistributed to something much shorter on a weekly or daily basis?

The other is that these daily reckonings illumine a person’s hour by hour behavior. It is truly a wonder of the human mind’s faculty for attention that the consistency of a daily review can sharpen our vision to see even the quality of our behavior on an hourly level. 

Most people have daily habits, processes, or systems in place to protect and care for themselves, such as washing one’s hands before a meal or flossing teeth. How many people have such daily practices in place for their growth and development? And what, I wonder, are they?

ª https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6J6ymi8DuE

The Gifts of Suffering

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Whether they are professional or personal, struggles and challenges come to us all, and we suffer in one way or another. One of my clients is struggling through a career transition after taking time off to care for her father during his cancer treatment, much like the many women who take time off for childbirth, and she has suffered through the rejections of her applications for many jobs (often with no reason given). Another friend recently saw a considerably younger and less experienced person promoted to be her supervisor, a role for which she may be objectively more qualified. 

Often we can’t see any gift or grace in the midst of these struggles or the suffering they bring. Those gifts are almost always there, but the pain is sometimes too great: we can’t see the gifts through the tears. We often need to grieve, share, and release the pain before we can see those gifts.

What are these gifts? Perhaps one is that suffering reveals and reminds us of the reality of our weakness, limitation, and need. Perhaps the grace of suffering is in the humility, vulnerability, and broken-openness to which it can draw us, and in the self-knowledge that can come from those.

Every affliction tests our will, showing whether it is inclined to good or evil. This is why an unforeseen affliction is called a test, because it enables a man to test his hidden desires.

—Mark the Ascetic

Every struggle, challenge, or affliction is a gift when it enables us to see ourselves more clearly, more realistically, when it reveals what had before been hidden, particularly our desires and the inclination of our will.

This is a deep subject, far beyond anyone’s ability to explore in a short message. I write mainly to encourage those of you who may be suffering in some way, and all of you who might remember this during a future challenge: suffering can hold much more than just pain. Hidden in it may be precious gifts for you. I always welcome the opportunity to help you see them.

Beacons and Battlements

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There’s a mashup meme that links the “seven deadly sins” to different social media channelsª: gluttony with Yelp, lust with Tinder, greed with LinkedIn, sloth with Netflix, envy with Facebook, pride with Instagram, and—you guessed it—wrath with Twitter. 

A lot of argument happens on this particular social network, whether generated by presidents or peons. At best it wears you out and at worst stirs up rage. Some people argue because they like to argue, but many argue for what they believe is right or true. Enter some ancient wisdom:

Do not argue with people not under obedience to you when they oppose the truth; otherwise you may arouse their hatred.

—Mark the Ascetic

We have a duty to confront opposition to the truth among those under our authority or care because we’re responsible for protecting them. In this case, to correct is to protect. But what about others? Patrick Lencioni has described healthy teams in which the members can argue passionately with one another yet maintain respectful, cooperative, and productive relationships once decisions are made.

Expanding the meaning of the quotation beyond the monastic context it comes from, it may be more widely applicable to assert that we do well to avoid arguments over the truth with those to whom we are not committed or loyal—because relationships matter more than being right. 

Truth will always win, even if it takes a while. So instead of speaking the truth as one wields a weapon in war, speak the truth as one lights a beacon. Those who heed it will profit from it, avoiding the reef and perhaps adding their light-bearing voices to yours. Those who disregard it may suffer the consequences, but they will not be at enmity with you.

ªhttps://thisisarray.com/7-deadly-sins-on-social-media/