Tag Archive for: relationships

Your Anti-Hero

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In October of 2022, Taylor Swift released her album Midnights, which contains the hit song “Anti-Hero.”⁠1 Part of this musical poem’s brilliance is that it’s a personal confession of a universal truth, namely that there’s an anti-hero in all of us. 

That’s not a very comfortable truth to admit, as Swift does with endearingly playful and sardonic honesty. It’s a lot easier to listen to someone else sing about her emotional struggles and relationship-sabotaging behavior than to face our own. The song is a hit because it hits home for anyone with some self-awareness.

We’d rather see ourselves as the hero of our own story, not the anti-hero; entire marketing programs⁠2 are built on this principle. But the truth is not so simple. The paradox is that we’re both heroes and anti-heroes, or if you will, there’s a hero and an anti-hero within each of us. It’s why Swift can lament getting older but never wiser; why she can identify the prices, vices, and crisis associated with her own devices; and why she can ultimately confess that she’s the problem.

Why do we stare at the sun but not in the mirror? Looking in the mirror can be scary, but perhaps the more powerful reason is that looking in the mirror is lonely. The beginning of a new year, which you may have celebrated on a midnight not long ago, is a natural time for reflection and resolution to change. In 2023, I hope you’ll decide to get to know your anti-hero better, and I hope you’ll also find a trustworthy, empathetic person—a therapist, mentor, counselor, coach, or just a true friend—to be a living mirror for you. 

Best wishes for this new year!

1 https://digital.umusic.com/taylorswiftmidnights

2 https://storybrand.com

A Best Practice for the Remote Life

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In a recent video conference via FaceTime, a friend showed me the best practice I’ve seen so far during the coronavirus pandemic: use a sticky note to cover the image of yourself on your screen. 

Brilliant. 

Because it’s just such good common sense. And a reminder that the increasingly powerful tools we make for ourselves to use can use us if we’re not thoughtfully attentive. 

We can’t see ourselves during in-person conversations, right? So why should we let ourselves be distracted by our reflections during remote conversations? What would you think of a person who brought a mirror to a coffee meeting and set it up on the table while you were talking? Isn’t it better to choose a living mirror rather than one made of glass?

The quality of our connection depends on our concentration. 

Now go buy yourself some sticky notes.

Beacons and Battlements

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There’s a mashup meme that links the “seven deadly sins” to different social media channelsª: gluttony with Yelp, lust with Tinder, greed with LinkedIn, sloth with Netflix, envy with Facebook, pride with Instagram, and—you guessed it—wrath with Twitter. 

A lot of argument happens on this particular social network, whether generated by presidents or peons. At best it wears you out and at worst stirs up rage. Some people argue because they like to argue, but many argue for what they believe is right or true. Enter some ancient wisdom:

Do not argue with people not under obedience to you when they oppose the truth; otherwise you may arouse their hatred.

—Mark the Ascetic

We have a duty to confront opposition to the truth among those under our authority or care because we’re responsible for protecting them. In this case, to correct is to protect. But what about others? Patrick Lencioni has described healthy teams in which the members can argue passionately with one another yet maintain respectful, cooperative, and productive relationships once decisions are made.

Expanding the meaning of the quotation beyond the monastic context it comes from, it may be more widely applicable to assert that we do well to avoid arguments over the truth with those to whom we are not committed or loyal—because relationships matter more than being right. 

Truth will always win, even if it takes a while. So instead of speaking the truth as one wields a weapon in war, speak the truth as one lights a beacon. Those who heed it will profit from it, avoiding the reef and perhaps adding their light-bearing voices to yours. Those who disregard it may suffer the consequences, but they will not be at enmity with you.

ªhttps://thisisarray.com/7-deadly-sins-on-social-media/