How to Respond to Boasting

No one likes a show off. Whether you encounter the boastful person in an occasional post on social media or in daily press conferences, you may be tempted to respond, perhaps with a snarky comment or an angry emoji, or even with a kinder word of correction, but…

When someone boasts about his virtues, do not try to help him by reproving him. For a man cannot love showing off and at the same time love the truth.

—Mark the Ascetic

Practical wisdom tells us not to argue with a drunk, but alcohol isn’t the only intoxicant out there.

Lessons from the Incarcerated

So much can be learned from extreme experiences. Although the coronavirus pandemic of 2020 is incomparably less terrible than the Holocaust of World War II, reflecting on the lessons learned from survivors of that savage chapter of human history can help us now. There are few more life-giving and inspiring reflections on that dark period than Dr. Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning.

The Inner Life, Art, and Nature

Following the coronavirus outbreak, the need for physical distancing—even to the extent of isolation or quarantine—has meant a loss of freedom for large numbers of people throughout the world. But a restriction of outward activity, as Dr. Frankl learned, does not mean a restriction of inner activity: “this intensification of inner life helped the prisoner find a refuge from the emptiness, desolation, and spiritual poverty of his existence…” and experience the beauty of art and nature as never before. We have seen this in our time, from the communal singing from Italian balconies to the resurgence of that simplest of outdoor pleasures, taking a walk around one’s neighborhood. A loss of freedom makes possible the sharpening of our senses and sensibilities and perhaps a sharpening of our abilities in creative expression. There has never been a better time to dust off that old musical instrument or take up a new art.

Curiosity and Humor

A restriction of external activity takes a toll on us. Frankl found two other weapons to combat this experience: curiosity and humor. The first was a psychological means of self-protection in the context of a concentration camp, but it can be repurposed in the time of this coronavirus. We can use the detachment and objectivity that curiosity brings to examine and understand both ourselves and others better, especially with the reduction of the non-essential activity that often distracts us from that understanding. As for humor, Frankl wrote that it “more than anything else in the human make-up, can afford an aloofness and an ability to rise above any situation, even if only for a few seconds.” So keep those funny memes coming!

Future Goals

During the pandemic of early 2020, boredom set in quickly, followed by depression. Frankl reported that the most depressing part of being in a concentration camp was that a prisoner could not know how long his term of imprisonment would be. He discovered that “any attempt at fighting the camp’s influence on the prisoner had to aim at giving him an inner strength by pointing out to him a future goal to which he could look forward. It is a peculiarity of man that he can only live by looking to the future.” Even if we cannot act on those goals now, Frankl asserts that it is critical to our mental health to keep them in mind, engaging our mental powers to imagine and plan for our eventual action toward those goals.

Thankfulness for the Past

But inner life can develop not just into the future but also into the past. For the prisoner in the concentration camp, this was a means to hold on to his identity and the meaning of his life. In a less dire situation, it can take on a different purpose: when done with gratitude or thankfulness, reflection on the past can be a powerful defense against the depression by which we may feel threatened. Better yet if this reflection gets expressed in written form, in a journal perhaps or in a handwritten letter or note to someone.

Whenever one is confronted with an inescapable, unavoidable situation, whenever one has to face a fate that cannot be changed, just then is one given a last chance to actualize the highest value, to fulfill the deepest meaning, the meaning of suffering. For what matters above all is the attitude we take toward suffering, the attitude in which we take our suffering upon ourselves.

Dr. Viktor Frankl in Man’s Search for Meaning

A Pause of Grace

In the Psalms, the word selah is understood to mean a pause, even a pause of grace. The current public health crisis allows us just such an opportunity for a pause from our usual activities of the day and week, from the noise and distraction they often create. Difficult as it is, the pandemic is also an opportunity for experiencing more deeply the beauty of art and nature, for curiosity and humor, for refocusing on our goals for the future, and for grateful reflection on the past. All of this will only help us become more present in the present when the pause is over, and our daily and weekly activities even more meaningful.